Thursday, September 3, 2015

Returning to me

I have been released from "Baby Jail," as my sister-in-law calls it. My littlest started kindergarten and now I have hours of time to do whatever I want. I never expected this to cause an emotional crisis.
I have been Mom for so long that I don't quite know what to do with myself. Naps only go so far before you have to decide what you want to do. I made a list of all the things I have thought about doing during this time:

  • strip and repaint two bathrooms
  • go back to school to finish my math or physics degrees
  • go back and get a masters in Information Sciences (librarian)
  • volunteer at the elementary school
  • volunteer at the middle school
  • volunteer at the high school
  • volunteer at the library
  • pick up a part time job
  • pick up on my writing (look doing this one!)
  • exercise every morning
  • at least an hour of house cleaning
  • get my home library in order
  • family history work
  • be more social 
  • study some topics with online courses, math and computer science mostly
  • binge watch the shows I haven't had a chance to 
  • work on the huge cross-stitch picture I've started for my oldest
  • get our finances in order, with a working budget
  • be rested and happy when the kids get home so we can have quality time
  • bake/cook so the kids will have nutritious snacks when they get home
  • read and study my scriptures for longer 
  • read the scriptures in Spanish to improve my abilities in that language
  • read the scriptures in Portuguese just because
  • learn how to play the piano
  • make a family home evening chart out of wood instead of the poster board and sticky note one we don't use now
  • plan out family home evenings ahead of time
  • pretend that I'm not going back to bed when David leaves so he won't feel bad about going to work
As you can see, I have enough goals for ten years worth of home alone time. My look before you leap tendency is having a crisis. Which of all of these things is the most important? What should I be doing and what can be put off until later? And what should I take off the list altogether?
What I really feel like doing is stay in bed and watch back episodes of NCIS while I drink Dr Pepper and eat Cheetos. I have resisted this. I haven't bought any Cheetos and I watch Netflix on the couch.
I will start the blog again. Perhaps forced labor will get my brain excited again. Perhaps writing about my own thoughts will bring back my own personality that has been attached to the children for so long. I don't think this was/is a bad thing. Being a mother is more important than any kind of self-serving thing I could be doing. But I have reached a point where mothering no longer requires everything I have. I need to discover the rest of me.

Friday, November 8, 2013


A few days ago I posted a beautiful talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. If you haven't read or watched it you should go now. It is so worth you time.  I've been thinking a lot about mental illness lately because of family things as well as my own struggles. I've gone back on medication for the first time in years.

If only I could but a castle to keep the monsters out.

It is funny (in the ironic, laugh at yourself way) how disappointed I feel. I have been fighting this my entire adult life and it is something that never leaves entirely. Every time it lightens I am amazed at what I can accomplish. When it bears down again I don't think I will ever have clean house or organized life again. I run from one crisis to the next.

I am working on some of my medical issues. I desperately hope that finding some answers will help lift this round of trouble. Perhaps it will.

This is how my heart feels. The video is silly, but the music sings to my soul.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

How I feel when I don't get enough sleep (bad words)

Journey Of Self-Discovery Leads Man To Realization He Doesn't Care,19100/
I don't usually read The Onion, but this made me laugh. My husband thinks I've lost my mind.

I tried posting this from my phone and it didn't work. I will actually have to pry the computer away from my children to write anything.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Benefits of vegetables

The picture that I hope is attached is a tomato and feta quiche that I managed to make out of stuff already in my kitchen.
I've always enjoyed trying new recipes. When you cook for eight people everyday it can get boring. So I try new things. But new things are often expensive. Hooray for bountiful baskets. Yes, I talk about it a lot. Feeding my family takes a huge part of my time and energy and money. Anything that lightens this responsibility is welcome.
And there is the thing that we aren't an active family. We try, but athletics just don't come easily to any of us. If I can't get my kids (or myself) to work up a good sweat, at least I can serve lots of veggies and low fat items at dinner. Someday I even expect my youngest daughter to try some of them.

A Broken Vessel

"The Broken Vessel" by Phil Thompson IPA
If you, or someone you know, deals with a mental illness, you should take ten minutes to listen to this talk. It gives hope and comfort as well as encouragement.

One of the things I liked best about this was to rebuke those who feel that you should just get over it as well as encouraging those who thought they could pray their way out to get medical help. It is balanced and beautiful.

This is the post from yesterday. I can post from my phone, but it is stupid, so I didn't.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Second day, still going

So, I have managed to go two days in a row. Yay me for that.  I was going to post pics from Halloween but my camera has run off. I suspect the small blond child but he isn't very reliable on remembering what he does with stuff.
Today I managed a Bountiful Basket collection site, folded 10 loads of laundry, spent an awful lot of money at the grocery store and took a wonderfully long nap.

I wish I had more interesting things to write about but I feel awful and still need to fold a ten gallon bucket of socks. I will point you toward an informative web site on endometriosis, if you are interested.  I also find the bountiful baskets website to be very helpful.

Might not post tomorrow, no computers allowed on Sunday. If I can post from my phone I will.

Have a good Sunday.

more like this here.

Friday, November 1, 2013


No, this is not an announcement that I am going to write a novel, though I am going to use this writing challenge. I am going to write a blog post every day. I think that writing is helpful to get all the information in my head out.
I am an information junkie and sometimes I get overloaded by everything coming in. Time to do some uploading instead of downloading.
That's it for today. Have a picture.