Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Emptiness

The whole house is silent. In the afternoon. This marks a profound change in my life. The last three months have been filled with noise, laughter, complaints and continual motion. 5/6 of that motion is gone for 8 hours a day now.

I know that most mothers feel the change when all of the kids start school. There is a feeling of freedom and possibility that is invigorating. With this comes the sure vision of even bigger changes on the horizon. The first child's departure, with the others coming steadily behind like they have for years. There are tears and phone calls and laundry lessons. An ever emptier home.

These are the thoughts that can get most women weeping. But I have another set of ideas that come along with the quiet house during my youngest's nap. This year I will volunteer. Not too much, I still have to find a babysitter. This year I will renew my blog and maybe write what is in my mind other than books and activities with the kids. This year I will get myself organized and have a cleaner house (don't hold your breath). This year I will serve and help in ways I never had the resources, both physical and mental, to do before. This year I will loose all the weight I gained all of those other years (this one scares me the most).
Of course this year I will spend lots of time with my toddler. He has the advantage of his siblings. He will get to be the baby for a long time. For nearly fourteen years I have cycled between pregnant and baby. Renewing my strength barely enough to start again. And now the cycles are over. No pregnant, no new baby. This is the new reality that my quiet house is demanding I accept.  No pregnant, no new baby. I find myself with no excuse to stay home. No excuse for the weight. No excuse to nap as often as I possibly can. My own conscience is hammering me with thoughts of what I can do with even the hour or two my (He Still Is) baby is sleeping. My baby days are over. What now?


Well first I have to pick the girls up from the bus stop, so it is not like I have nothing to do. But it does mean I am going to post this unedited and see what I think about it later.

1 comment:

jendoop said...

Good post on the fly! This new stage is a good one, even if there are growing pains. You can do these things, but at a reasonable pace -you're still mortal like the rest of us ;)